Dream Smarter Podcast Ep22 - Getting Past Imposter Syndrome & Comparison


Dream Smarter Podcast Ep22 – Getting Past Imposter Syndrome & Comparison

Below are the show notes/summary for this episode. Please listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify for the full show! Xo, Alex


Today, we are covering a topic that hits very close to my heart, and I’m sure it hits very close to many of your hearts. This is something that every single person feels no matter what your field is, what industry you’re working in. And that is imposter syndrome and comparing yourself to others.

I will speak about it through the lens of entrepreneurship but know that this episode can be a resource for you, no matter what the imposter syndrome or comparison is relating to. Maybe body image, it may be a lifestyle. It may be work. It may be beauty standards. You can use these tips in any aspect of your life.

When you look at imposter syndrome and comparison and all of those different things, I think it’s good to know that we all feel these things no matter who we are, no matter how successful we are. There’s always this “keeping up with the Joneses’ type of feeling like humans. And it’s hard. It’s really hard, but there is some sort of comfort found in the fact that we all feel this, and we can all be there for each other to get through all of the emotions that come with imposter syndrome and comparing ourselves to others.

Imposter Syndrome

This feeling for me is very strong. I’ve felt imposter syndrome my whole life. I’m sure all of you guys have, but it’s something that I’ve really had to learn to get over. All the tips that I’m going to talk about today are tips that I practice when it comes to imposter syndrome. There are so many different levels that come to life and business and everything that you do. And when you’re gearing up to go to the next level, there is definitely a sense of fear. There’s definitely a sense of imposter syndrome. And it’s one of those things that you really have to work on spiritually in your soul, in your mindset, emotionally, all of the things.

Tip #1: Separate your feeling from the fact.

Often when we get an imposter syndrome, we’re getting to the next level of something. We’re getting invited to do something. The universe is inviting us, or we are initiating it. And there is that little voice inside of our head that says you can’t do that. We need to separate the little us from the big us, the real us. That little person who lives inside your head is a part of you, but it does not define you. So really understanding and separating who you really are between the feeling and the facts. Little Alex may feel like she’s not ready for this. Little Alex may feel like I can’t do it. But the fact of the matter is I can.

And it’s empowering because when you sit there, and you separate yourself, and you say, listen, I can do this, little Alex, shut up. Big Alex is stepping on the stage, and she is going to go for it. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?

I think that has really helped me a lot when it comes to imposter syndrome, especially as High-moon Studio grows so rapidly and we’re starting some new businesses and all of that stuff. I’m entering into unknown territories, which is very scary, and just separating the feeling from the fact and having a growth mindset has helped me so much.

Tip #2: Bring light to the positives, not the negatives.

Look to your past and look at times when you had imposter syndrome. Then realize that you did the thing, even though you thought I would suck at that. And you did amazing. You did way better than you expected. So really just shutting up that voice in your head, the little you that continues to tell you that you can’t do something, and then shining light and bringing more attention to the positives.

Tip #3: Learn how to remove the narrative

We create these stories, and narratives are stories. We create these stories inside of our heads of how we think that our life will go. And we put ourselves in a box, and we put this imaginary ceiling on top of us, or society puts this imaginary ceiling in our head.

Then when things become unreal, that’s usually when the imposter syndrome starts to set in. You need to just take that narrative and smash that on the ground and say, you know what? That is something that I had planned is a story that I made up in my head in the past, planning for the future. And I need to remove it because it no longer serves me. So just remove that narrative and move on.

Tip #4: Visualize yourself doing it.

Whatever it may be that you’re scared of, you want to visualize yourself doing it. The more you put yourself through that situation, the easier it’s going to be for you when it actually comes up. When you’re manifesting something, you want to imagine yourself already having that thing. How do you feel? What is that feeling that’s coming out of your body? How is your body acting? What is your mind saying? Are you smiling? Are you nervous? Really picture yourself, imagine your life in a movie and visualize yourself doing the thing that you’re scared of.

And you’re going to realize it’s not that scary. We are fearful as humans. Think back in your life to something that you went through; it could be something super positive, could be something super negative. And generally, you look back, and you say, well, it wasn’t as scary as I thought. Even in negative situations, it seems less of a big deal when you’re actually going through it.

And so, when you’re visualizing yourself doing these things, it’s, it’s setting yourself up for success. And even if it’s not exactly how it’s going to go. Because you can never l actually plan every single little detail. But imagining yourself in that situation and visualizing it and putting yourself there, that’s going to set you up to actually do the thing and remove some of that imposter syndrome.

Tip #5: Always ask yourself, are you willing?

Are you willing to do it? Will you do everything that you can to figure it out? When it comes to business, if somebody else has done it, I know that I can do it. Even if somebody hasn’t done it. I don’t bet on my business. I bet on myself because I’m the one running this. You’re the one running your business. Are you willing to put in the work? Are you willing to do everything that you can to figure it out? And if the answer is yes, the imposter syndrome can just fly away.

There are so many opportunities in life. You don’t have to stick to one thing. But if the answer is, yes, I’m willing to do it to get to X, Y, Z, put in the work, you got this. It will be worth it in the end.

Tip #6: Do your best.

That’s all you can ask of yourself, do your best. That’s it. If you know that you’re doing your best, that’s all you can do. We need to take life a little less seriously. In my opinion, we just need to chill out and realize humans overwork. We are humans. We are not superheroes. We do our best. And if we fail, we learn. I love learning because when you fail and then you learn, and you actually take something away from the situation, it makes anything that you do in the future better.

And you become stronger. You become smarter. You learn that what you were so afraid of, the thing that you were scared to do, you did it, and you succeeded. It makes you understand that, yes, imposter syndrome is a thing, but I will not let it define me. It’s a part of me. And I’m going to do the things in my life that I know that I’m willing to do, regardless of being afraid, regardless of the imposter syndrome.

Comparing Yourself to Others

It’s a real thing. We all do it. No matter how successful we are. There is always going to be somebody out there who’s doing something better than you. So here are my tips.

Tip #1: Stay in your own lane.

That is something I had to teach myself. I don’t really learn from other people. I don’t watch what other people are doing. I want to teach, and I want to stay in my own lane and do my own thing and not pay attention to what other people are doing. I’m going to figure out the best way to do things for me.

Basically, the grass grows where you water it. So, stay focused, stay in your lane. If you find yourself focusing so much on other people, maybe you need to do a little detox, remove yourself from the situation.

Pay attention to your brain and to your emotions and how you feel and nurture yourself. And know when enough is enough.

Tip #2: We have to remember that it’s all the highlight reel.

I mean, you look at my life, and you’re probably like, it’s so glamorous. She’s killing it. You guys, I literally live alone. All I do is work. I’m right now sitting on my floor in my apartment, drinking wine, I was supposed to be doing dry January, but I failed miserably. It’s my dog and me. Every day, I get really lonely.

I rarely put on makeup. I’ve had a really hard day. I was extremely tired all day. I could’ve slept all day, but I had to rip myself out of bed. And to be honest with you, the majority of the days are hard. They’re not easy. They’re not glamorous. I show glamorous stuff on social media, for sure, because I don’t want to be a Debbie downer, but my days are not perfect whatsoever. Not at all. I barely drink enough water most days. Today I’ve been feeling really yucky about my body. I have been trying to work out and eat less. And it’s been really hard for me because it brings me comfort to eat yummy food because I’m here alone by myself every single day. I have days where I cry, and I can’t get out of bed.

I’m not a negative person. So, I don’t like talking about negative things. But know that we all struggle with this. We’re all so hard on ourselves. We all have struggles. We are all the same. We share the same emotions. So, know that you’re not alone. We all look at the same moon. We need to start being a bit more compassionate and empathetic towards each other and more so towards ourselves.

So, know that it’s just a highlight reel. You got this. Don’t compare yourself to the perfect moments of people’s lives. Look at what you post on social media and what you’re hiding. And imagine that every single other person is doing the exact same thing.

Tip #3: Gratitude.

Find the beauty in your own life and in your own skills. There are things about you that I don’t have. We all have little special things about us, and we need to figure out what those special things are. Every day, we wake up and say that I am grateful for this special thing about myself. And I’m able to walk through this world and offer it to the world or offer it to myself or offer it to my loved ones, whatever it may be.

I suggest grabbing a journal. Go buy a cute journal. I love buying a new journal. It inspires me to write. So, go and buy a cute journal and make that your gratitude journal. Like this is my gratitude journal, and I’m going to wake up. And the first thing I’m going to do every day is I’m going to wake up, I’m going to open my eyes, and it’s going to be right next to my bed. I’m going to grab that journal. And I’m going to write down five things that I’m grateful for and get specific. And it can be something so stupid. It can be that I am grateful that I have heat in my house because today in LA, it was 60 degrees.

It makes you realize that we’re forgetting about all the beauty in our own lives when we’re comparing ourselves. So just really recognize how beautiful you are. Mind, body, soul, spirit. So just remember all of those things and remember in business, what are you good at? Because you’re good at something that I’m not good at. And the reason why successful people become successful in business is that they harness what they’re good at.

They recognize it; they find it. And they say, I will beat this thing to death because I’m good at it. And I know I’m here to share this with the world. So, find that little thing about yourself and keep doing it. It will give you so much purpose.

Tip #4: Be realistic with other people’s successes.

So, I oftentimes get a little frustrated because people will message me and be like, how did you get from this to this so fast? And yes, the business grew very quickly in a year, but y’all have to remember that I have been doing this for 10 years. I have wanted this my whole life. Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that I wanted to be an entrepreneur.

I have wanted this for so long. This was not easy to get here. This was not a two-year thing to get here. The day I started my business was not the day I started my business was not the day I started my business. I started this 10 years ago in my brain. It took me a long time to get where I am. It was not easy. Understand and be realistic with other people’s successes. Don’t put them on a pedestal and think it was so easy for them.

You choose what you put your energy into, and I’ve chosen my business. And that’s why it’s thriving. So, I’m not saying forego your relationships, but I’m saying your business might move a little bit slower than mine because you have other beautiful things in your life. Gorgeous, beautiful relationships, beautiful children, whatever it may be. All of the choices that you’re making are gorgeous and beautiful, and they’re yours and own that. Seriously, no matter what you’re doing, own it and stop feeling bad about yourself. Feel grateful for the opportunity to have what you have.

Tip #5: Learn to compete with yourself instead of others.

This is kind of along the lines of staying in your own lane. I just want to be better. I want to double the earnings that I did last year. It’s like a game. I am a game, and I’m running against myself. I’m running against myself and a lot of different facets. But I am racing myself to the finish line. How fast can you go? That is what I’m looking at myself and asking. So, learn to compete with yourself instead of other people. And it’s going to be so much more fulfilling. Progress is addicting. So get addicted to progress when it comes to business.

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